**WARNING : If you find topic about selfharm disturbing or triggers you, please stop reading. Thank you.**

To some people, the picture above means nothing. To some people, they don't know what it feels like to be free. To some people, they don't understand why some people hurt themselves.

I was some people before. I was someone who doesn't understand why people would ended up hurting themselves. Why some people would cut themselves. Why some people stop eating or drinking eventhough they know its not healthy.

When I went through all these emotions last year, all I want is for the emotions to disappear, to stop hurting. I don't care what it takes me to do that, I would do anything to stop myself from feeling all the emotions. I stopped eating. I drink plain water to keep myself alive. I still feel the pain and that's when I decided to go to the store and bought the knife. I used screwdriver before but it didn't give me the satisfaction. So I decided to use something sharper. 

The voices were too loud. Loud to the point that I can't even hear my own thoughts. I was crying. The moment the knife slices my skin, the voices disappear. The pain was gone. One, two, three, four and it went up until ten and then there were blood. 

I feel free. Free from the emotions that have been haunting me for months. The feeling when the knife slices your skin was indescribable. The satisfaction it brought me was priceless.

Even until now, I still want to feel that again. I really do. But no, I am stronger now. I just don't want that four months countdown to go down to zero again. I have come this far. I don't want this to be useless.

Okay enough about that. I know people won't even read this blog but if there is people who does, I hope I didn't scare any of you. I am at better place now, don't worry.

I don't really like talking about this because I know I still have the desire to do that again. Plus, I get triggered when I watched tiktok's videos about this. Some people really should learn how to put Trigger Warning before posting. It's not that hard to put one. There are people out there who gets easily triggered. You know?

I noticed two people commented on my last entry. Wishing Happy Birthday. Thank you. To that anon, how did you know the exact date of my birthday? I don't remember putting that date here. Anyway, thank you for the wishes. Have a nice day.

***

-Quinn. 

**WARNING : If you find topic about selfharm disturbing or triggers you, please stop reading. Thank you.**

To some people, the picture above means nothing. To some people, they don't know what it feels like to be free. To some people, they don't understand why some people hurt themselves.

I was some people before. I was someone who doesn't understand why people would ended up hurting themselves. Why some people would cut themselves. Why some people stop eating or drinking eventhough they know its not healthy.

When I went through all these emotions last year, all I want is for the emotions to disappear, to stop hurting. I don't care what it takes me to do that, I would do anything to stop myself from feeling all the emotions. I stopped eating. I drink plain water to keep myself alive. I still feel the pain and that's when I decided to go to the store and bought the knife. I used screwdriver before but it didn't give me the satisfaction. So I decided to use something sharper. 

The voices were too loud. Loud to the point that I can't even hear my own thoughts. I was crying. The moment the knife slices my skin, the voices disappear. The pain was gone. One, two, three, four and it went up until ten and then there were blood. 

I feel free. Free from the emotions that have been haunting me for months. The feeling when the knife slices your skin was indescribable. The satisfaction it brought me was priceless.

Even until now, I still want to feel that again. I really do. But no, I am stronger now. I just don't want that four months countdown to go down to zero again. I have come this far. I don't want this to be useless.

Okay enough about that. I know people won't even read this blog but if there is people who does, I hope I didn't scare any of you. I am at better place now, don't worry.

I don't really like talking about this because I know I still have the desire to do that again. Plus, I get triggered when I watched tiktok's videos about this. Some people really should learn how to put Trigger Warning before posting. It's not that hard to put one. There are people out there who gets easily triggered. You know?

I noticed two people commented on my last entry. Wishing Happy Birthday. Thank you. To that anon, how did you know the exact date of my birthday? I don't remember putting that date here. Anyway, thank you for the wishes. Have a nice day.

***

-Quinn.